Are you congruent enough?
Being congruent means that your thoughts, feelings, and actions are congruent with one another.
If one of them is not congruent, we begin to have all kinds of troubles. Anxiety kicks in, and every moment that you know you are not being congruent shatters your mind, wreaking havoc among your thoughts and feelings. When this happens you have what psychologists call Cognitive Dissonance.
The first time I was faced with cognitive dissonance at its fullest was when I had to tell my mom I had stolen something. I remember it was a bag of nuts at the local market…I was 5 at that time, and had never stolen anything, and never again did. I can’t forget her tone of voice and question “where did you get that?” We where at the car, and she drove back, apologized to the woman selling the nuts, and payed her. I felt the two minute trip last an hour long, and my face bursting in shame, and coloring bright red when sáying the words “i’m sorry.” During those two minutes I had a break from peace, and a brief introduction to emotional turmoil.
Fast foreward 20 years and I’m walking away from my son, seeing him leave to his new home two thousand miles away from me, with his mom, and never to see him again in person. Telling him “I love you”, and everything will be o.k…BIG lie, not everything would be o.k. Enter emotional havoc again, big time, brain and heart at full battle. My brain telling me it was for the better…a better place, better oportunities for him, better everything. But…my heart desperately saying NO! What happened? How was I supposed to go through in life? I had to adapt.
Now, 8 years later, I’m congruent again in allmost everything, but not that. I try to be, but the fight lingers on. Every week I call him, I get deeply sad, and have to think again…It’s for a better life. I guess what i’m trying to say is that you can be congruent enough and have good mental health. But, if you are incongruent with a lot of stuff in your life, and you don’t do a thing to start working on it, then you are in trouble.
When I got married with his mom, I was too young. I had a lot of incongruencies, starting with getting married or not. I started fighting to be in control, and to be able to deal with everyday life. Time passed by, and we just could’t keep going. The incongruency took over, and won. I had to gain control back, and I did, but it took work…hard work. I had to determine myself to go on, to do it. You too can do anything, you have the potential, you just have to get to know yourself.
Congruency starts by getting to know yourself
The old saying…
Noce te ipsum
How good do you know yourself?
The answer to this question is barely. Most of the time we take our precious time to meet and get to know other people, and do other things. Life passes by, and the one person that is always with us, we usually leave him or her out, we usually don’t give ourselves time or attention. Other times, i have seen people being afraid of themselves, of learning new things and stuff about themselves.
Please, if you want to be congruent, you have to see the reflection in the mirror, and admire it.
To be congruent, you have to watch your own attitudes.
Some time ago, I wrote a Hub about changing attitudes. You may want to check it out here. In the Hub I explain step by step how to change attitudes.
Changing an attitude takes time, but IT CAN BE DONE, and it´s not difficult.