“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Viktor Frankl
I was going through a “friendly” divorce, and at the same time separating with my son.
I remember going to the airport to let him leave the country. He went to live with his mom to a far country. I have not been with him again in 6 years. I had to let go in a “short” time, but in reality it was, and still is, very difficult.
I couldn´t change the situation, so I had to change myself; change my attitude, perception, emotions, etc. I help people that go through the process of Letting Go, and letting go of a loved one is not easy.
During that time, I was a student of Psychology, taking a double Diplomate in Transpersonal Psychology. I remember when my friend, and mentor José Luis Paoli PhD, took me aside from the rest of my group and told me: “Carlos, I see you are having a tough time; you have fear of change; let me help you with this story…” and he began with the first micro-story I will retell you guys.
“A long time ago, in a far away land…” Just kidding… but it sounds better like that. “In Alaska, there were two people fishing…they had made a hole in the lake, and were waiting for the fish to get hooked. One of them had the “lucky” fishing rod. He had gotten it from his great grandfather… who loved fishing. So he was fishing, when there was a strong breeze. When he moved to arrange his coat, the fishing rod slipped from his hand, and fell to the hole in the lake. As it went inside the hole, the fisherman acted as a bolt, and used his arm to get the fishing rod out. As he pulled out his arm, his arm froze. His friend made a fire and got him close to it. As his arm began to defrost, and his blood started to circulate, he felt a great pain, an excruciating pain. He could not stand it… he said that before it was painful, but now it was intolerable pain.
His friend told him: LIFE hurts when it comes back… but it helps you to understand that YOU ARE ALIVE! You perceive the pain; or you perceive life…it´s your choice.”
I needed to learn that the pain is not the problem, and it may signify that you are alive. If it hurts, you are alive… so live your life. I had trouble letting go, but I finally understood that it was the best decision for him… and if he was part of me, of my heart, then it was best also for me. It hurts, but it signifies my love for him.
The second story he told me is great for understanding how CHANGE works.
He said: “A long time ago, in a far away land, there was a little creek that lived by a big desert. The little creek was happy until the day a thought got to his mind… the thought was: How is the other side of the desert? It became an obsession, and he used to cry every day, for not being big enough to see that other place. He really wanted to be a big river, just like the Amazon, or the Nile river.
One day, the little creek was crying, and Mr. Wind was taking a flight by. He asked: What is going on little Creek?
-Oh, I want to be big and get to see the other side of the desert, Mr. Wind, but I don´t know how…
-I can help you, but you need to ask Mr. Sun to help you too. You need to let him evaporate you.
-Let him evaporate me! That is crazy.
-Yes, maybe…but it is the only way. Think about it, and let me know.
Time passed by, the obsession grew even worse, and finally he asked them, and let Mr. Sun evaporate him. Quickly, Mr. Wind blew him as a cloud, and he reached the other side of the desert. The cloud started to pour rain, and slowly but steady a lake started to form, and then a river, and it grew with big falls, beautiful stones, and it got to be way lovelier than what he could imagine…The End.
Most of the time, we are scared of change. We don´t want to let go of the present, and of our present ways, behavior, etc. because we are afraid that we don´t know what is going to happen. Nature happens, and rearranges itself. If we Let go; and go with the flow… we will emerge from it, as better persons. We only need to learn how to evaporate, and flow.
Please let me know if these stories help you in any way. Do you have another change story?